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I am not the author of a best selling novel, just a writer who's got her own views and ideas. These are just a few notions that I have developed through my experiences in the passage of time. Having written various articles over the years for consumer publications, I wanted to create my space where I was my own editor and reach out to readers like you, who would read a line and say, "Yeah, I've been there too". And so I bring to you my own publication completely uncensored. Pick up any subject you like and sooth your intellectual senses. Indulge in read like never before....
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Date: 30/05/04
Title: Life's greatest investment

Leave aside the properties and loaded bank accounts. What is your life's greatest investment that you can rely on?-relationship in which your invest your heart, mind, soul and every possible waking hour.

Think about it- at first you work on creating it, then you strengthen it with stability and dedication and later on you continue to nurture the bond that you have reaped. You have grown together in this relationship and given it your hundred per cent without ever a moment of thought. You are lost in being what the relationship wants that you do not stop and fret over the 'wrongs' or 'rights'. Even though you are at the receiving end too your focus is more on the giving thinking that you will naturally get what you deserve.

However, what happens if one fine day the receiver stands up in front of you and shoots with a question of your contribution in the relationship? What happens if your doings are being measured along with what you weren't able to do? What happens if after all the weight you bore to keep it going you are accused of not being an apt supporter? Agreed that relationship is give and take but where do you draw the line? And no matter how much you give in, what is the assurance that it's going to be enough? Is there a way to satisfy someone completely?

We give it all away from the word 'go' as soon as our emotions connect us with someone. But not many of us are willing to face the fact that any relationship demands a lot more than you have ever imagined. No one wants to wake up one fine day and be old that their investment has been a loss. But the truth is that no body is perfect and even then not many are willing to deal with the imperfections. Not many of us can leave aside the grudges and walk with a warm heart.

It's a selfish world and at the end of the day everyone takes a step with an expectation. So while theory says that love is unconditional, irony is that most bonds are based on policy of returns. Wants are unlimited and your whole life may not be enough to satisfy it. The question is that if there is going to be a query of your deeds at some point in life then are you supposed to make a record of everything you did? How can you possible record every tear that you shed, or the times that you went out of you way to accommodate the other person's wish, or the times that you kept quite when it as the other person's fault, or the times when you overlooked a rotten treatment or the times when you stood by someone even though it meant turning against people who were your own, or those times when you were the shoulder that supported the receiver, or that time when you were there without ever being asked for, or those times when you wear the accompanying tear of another, or that time when you helped the other person climb the ladder of growth together, or that time when you don't even remember what it was that went wrong and you still kept the show going on without a sigh? What about these countless things that you do in a relationship out of love and affection? Does everything have to be adjudged?

After ever part of 'you' that was put in a relationship are you ready to be given the slap of a traitor in the end? How would you feel if your greatest investment in life would be declared null and void? Only a heartless person can face these questions. As humans we all have feelings and we give in to them and end up giving all that we had. But each one of us must acknowledge the fact that it is not necessary that what you have given you'll get back in return as a token of appreciation. Either you sulk and let this affect you or you move ahead without turning back. As weak as most of us "affectionates" are, not many of us have the heart to detach from a bond in which you put your years of commitment. Either you pick up the broken pieces and star over again or simply turn a new leaf and let it be closed chapter with a not so happy ending.

Take a moment to think and note down all that you have done, you never know when you might need to prove yourself...If you invest, do so wisely.

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Date: 24/05/04
Title: Lovable hearts

Releasing your heart to someone is the most difficult thing to do. It's a surrender of your life, soul and mind. Nothing thereafter is yours and you've committed to never ending giving and sharing. It's like handing someone else the power to take you through to a new journey in life. And to stick by each other for good, bad and the ugly.

What is it that unites these two people in a bond of togetherness? How do two different people accept each other for who they are? It's the common feeling of sacredness in their eyes. It's the love that grows day by day in their hearts. Love can make you weak and your vision in life is then controlled by the colours that it paints your world with. Your truth is only what is projected by this powerful feeling. There is no logical wrong or right- just what you feel. Your heart tends to rule your mind.

Love gives you the strength to get through the heaviest of storms and sail through safely. It can be the sunshine that can brighten your face with a handful of smiles. It can be the thundering rainfall that can wet your eyes. It can be the spring that can freshen every breath you take. It can be the rainbow that colours your life with a variety of emotions. It creates a dynamic world with changing seasons.

Two people form their own language of understanding each other and sensing what's deep inside their hearts. They fine-tune their wavelength in such a way that there is a unique chemistry between them. They mingle the chords of their hearts to develop a lifetime of companionship.

Two hearts that become ONE, walk together on ONE path to make each other's dreams come true...How far they succeed depends on how far they stick together.

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Date: 18/03/04
Title: The blame game

We all do wrong, no one is perfect. Success and failures are the two sides of the same coin. One wrong person doesn't make another person right in a relationship. But the blame is always slapped on one, that way the other can just escape from the argument.

Relationships are about sharing and that includes everything, even the faults. So if you give the assurance to your partner that in every fall you are together and don't point fingers as to who messed it up, the pleasant feel of the bond will always remain. When does a relation turn sour? When you are constantly on each other's throats, and making big lists of each other's mistakes, that's when you have started the "blame game".

An unusual uneasiness and unpleasant set of words creep into the bond once you start this game. It's like every word is going to be picked and every action graded. No one actually is the culprit and there is no reason to hype up any exchange of opinion or experience. As humans, we all end up walking on the wrong foot at some point in our lives, but that doesn't mean you let it get in the way of your long journey in life. If you always looked on the negative side first, then how can you sustain anything in life?

It's very easy to point fingers at someone and free yourself from the outcomes of a unpleasant occurrence. You can either slap the blame on the opposite side, or stand up for both of you and give the other person the support that you are in it together and that one doesn't fall without the other and even if one does the other picks them up.

The day we start nagging our partner with continuous blaming sessions, we have invited a negative element that will weaken the companionship. Stop thinking that everything that happens is about right or wrong. First question what is it and why is it happening and how it all began. Then analyse where it's leading and how it can affect both of you. It's up to you to judge what is really important- to blame or to understand the problem and solve it together without letting it come between you. The bigger the problem, the more challenging it gets to share the blame. But is the blame heavier than the two of you?

The key to keep a relationship going is to make the other person realise that it's not a game where one can punish and the other just take it. It's not about just one person having the upper hand or treating every action like a mistake waiting to happen. You don't enter a relationship to see who performs the best and nor is your partner a form of God. The whole point is to tackle every conflict with patience and the ability to give the other person a say as well. Making the other person realise what went wrong is essential but give the person a chance to turn it around.

If there is a mutual understanding to solve the sourness and not treating it as a blame to be adjudged, nothing in life can ever come in between two souls. Don't play a game that can only burn bridges, instead overwrite the mistake with a understanding that can only connect you both deeper. If you start blaming, there will be thousands of reasons to do so but then are ready to take the blame for the final downfall as well? The choice is yours.

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Date: 26/07/03
Title: Extreme closeness

Getting to know people is a discovery in itself and getting attached to them, quiet a consuming process. Once you don't know people, you are on the other side, observing and judging. And whether the vibes are positive or negative, they don't affect you much.

As you cross the boundaries of acquaintance, a development takes place in your interaction and a bond begins to take shape. There's exchange of experiences, opinions, emotions and words, strengthening the relationship further. Suddenly, the relationship is named with terms such as "friendship", "love", "soul mate" or whatever that the heart perceives the bond to be. You smile, cry, laugh and go through slurry of emotions with the person. And then it hits you that you have become close, in fact closer than you ever imagined the relationship to be.

From the moment the relationship begins to its maturity, you cannot foresee where it might lead and what affect it might have on you. It can be a soothing balm or a roller coaster of experiences. The complication begins once you have crossed the boundaries of closeness. There are expectations and an addictive feeling of belonging. There is dependence and an unfathomable chemistry between the two. From the tantrums to the nitty gritty arguments, the affection turns into a lot more than you had expected it to be.

Whenever two people cross the confines of closeness, the bond takes a different turn altogether. It's not necessary that all such connections have a name because each has a unique characteristic that cannot be put into words. What matters is how you handle it after the proximity strikes you. It can be overwhelming, scary or complicated, depending entirely on your perception.

Most relationships crumble because they cannot handle the extreme closeness. Getting close to someone is easy but maintaining that closeness is the real challenge. And that is what tests the strength of a bond. Dealing with the whole realisation of proximity may not easily be accepted by all; some relationships crack, others become stronger while there are a few that completely break apart. The difference between your perception and reality is not easily accepted by the heart. There are symptoms of withdrawal, procrastination and even mute emotions. It's like an awakening process to a whole new level of relationship that shakes on reaching its peak.

Very few relationships pass this test of extreme closeness; and if a bond fails, it leaves a very bitter feeling that haunts every new relationship that you approach. When you leave a friend behind with a promise of never turning back, there will be another waiting on the next turn of your life. However, if you expect a lasting presence in your life, be prepared for the unexpected "good-bye" or abrupt emotional turbulence. The truth is that all good things come to an end, no matter how long they have lived. It's up to you; either you accept its death and move on or else burn yourself in the proximity to keep the bond alive. As a word of advice once the smiles fade and frowns take over, it's time to step back and breath a whole new life.

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Date: 14/05/03
Title: Beauty and the beast

Every woman in this world is going to meet a man at every point of time. It can be at work,party, home, in the park or beach, at the movies or through friendly acquaintances. That's something we cannot avoid as long as we breathe. And no matter how different each meeting can be, both want to indulge in the whole "social bonding".

You've read books on it, you've seen it in movies and you have experienced in real life; the whole connection between man and woman is an insolvable equation and possibly an explosive experiment. Both belong to different planets and though black sheeps exist on either sides, the fact remains-men and women read, write and listen differently. The most complicated procedure of the social bonding is how man and women relate to each other.

It has been said that man in a social animal and indeed, he is. But a woman is a social ponder, not a cat on the prowl, as labeled by the male counterpart. The whole complexity lies in the fact as to how they read each other and that's what makes them apart. Think about it. From the simple 'hello', to the way you look and the attention you give to a person is interpreted in varied ways, from person to person.

When a man meets a woman, the physical appearance always takes the cake in the way he perceives a woman. Attraction consciously or subconsciously resides in his interaction with the female. He may hide it for the smooth progress of the bonding but drops it in, wherever he feels it can help sway things the other way. He can be the best of friends but wouldn't mind if your thoughts ever drove on the opposite end. He's ruled by temptation and animal instincts. He may appear to be a giving heart but there's always expectations hidden beneath. He can be what you want to be and he can also be what you never imagined him to be. He may make you feel like a cake he can't wait to get a bite off or he can be the Prince Charming waiting to turn into a frog.

A woman wants to connect and take one step at a time. She wants to explore the acquaintance and discover more than what's obvious. She looks for substantial facts that justify the bond. She's firm in what she wants and does not waver with attraction or temptation. She gives in more mentally and feels exhausted in the process. She hopes that one fine day a stranger will turn into Prince Charming, sadly to discover that he's a frog who wants to be kissed before he can turn into a Prince. She's more emotional than the male species and is often ridiculed for it. Her physical appearance, many a times, turns into a barrier that misleads the communication process between the two. She is labeled as mysterious and complex when all the while she's trying to make sense.

While she's looking for a man of substance, the man is looking for a woman of submission. He's a man of few words and she weaves the bond with words. Yet, a man and woman want to create "the happily ever after" story. No matter what they meet as, their wants split once they hit common grounds. He can drive you crazy and he can also drive you away. There's no way to know the "real" him and there's no guarantee where his charm may lead. He can create faith in you and shake your beliefs apart in the very next step. He's a man- a symbol of ego, enticement and illusion. Once you hand him your treasure of trust, there's no saying how long your fairytale will last. Are you willing to embrace the beast?

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Date: 12/12/02
Title: When the new become old

We met, we bonded, we became friends and then we just got lost...
Does this sound familiar? The most inspiring fact of life is that we keep meeting new people every now and then. Flip through your phone book and there will be new names every season. The fact is that even though these names keep existing in our books, after a while we stop dialing them unlike the old times. By now you've easily figured out that it's the never-ending battle between Mars and Venus.

The story of him and her…
It's the insolvable equation between the opposite sexes. When he meets her for the first time, he goes all out to use his loaded pistol filled with a deadly charm. She too grabs his eyes and makes a mark on his unstable heart. Things start with a simple 'hello' and move on to long hours of telephone conversations ringing with laughter and amiable humour. Both try to match each other on every step of the conversation. They talk everyday (who cares about the phone bill?). They SMS each other like mobile addicts. (as if the talks were not enough). They just can't have enough of each other and by now have created so many rituals of phone calls and a routine that they must follow. Slowly and steadily the person becomes a habit, a addiction and neither can imagine another day without their phone call or another weekend without their meeting. One missed call feels like missing a train to Paris. There's joy, there are those tinkles and fun all the way. Both of them can't stop bragging about each other with their friends and have turned into role models of good buddies. All this may sound like years of merriment and bonding. Hang on, before you are mislead, all this is just a predictable story of few weeks.

And then the cat's out of the bag…
As soon as the new become old, the charm starts to wear off and the talks start dragging. Each time they talk, a silence creeps in searching for a subject to speak on. They start making plans that does not necessarily include each other. One of them takes the back seat and the other starts sensing the indifference. They turn to their other friendly ears either complaining or trying to figure out a reason for the change. No matter what they do, the involvement between the both is not strong enough and the yaks do not add spark to their smile as they used to. They start noticing the flaws and think of excuses to avoid each other. The word boring redefines their image and the talks get colder day by day. They've forgotten how to use the SMS and many outings have passed without inviting each other. From the everyday call routine, they have reached s stage where both of them haven't spoken for weeks. And then he/she turns into just another friend that they call once in a blue moon. And finally they say those three words, "I am bored!"

So what went wrong…?
Everything was great, same tastes, similar likes and they had so much fun, but where did the charm disappear? It's not that they aren't friends anymore but they've stopped connecting the way they used to. They've simply lost touch. Is there a explanation for this change? Why does the feeling turn insipid?

The truth about Mars and Venus
Men and women get attracted very easily to each other. At first it's the difference that pulls them together and after a while it's this very difference that draws them apart. The crucial factor here is knowledge. When a kid gets a new toy he explores it in all possible ways and after a while he stops spending as much time as he used to. Similarly, once you've known a person, the want to explore wanes. The truth about relationships is that they demand a lot from you. It's very easy to begin them but to sustain them you need to work really hard on them. Many people may not like to admit it, but it's crucial for the relationship to grow. It's not easy and it doesn't help when only one partner tries to maintain the rapport while the other doesn't respond. Both of them need to reach out to each other and keep themselves together. Keep typing those SMS and making those "good morning" calls. Do continue to create excuses to be with each other. And most important, talk to each other and recreate interest in your relationship in different ways. Re-approach your partner in varied perspectives. Reach out to him/her no matter how far he/she travels. Find your partner each time he/she gets lost. Each time you meet, treat it as the first. Surprise your partner and reveal a different side that he/she's not known about. We all change with time, make it obvious but favourable for your relationship. Let your partner/friend know that there's lot more to you. What turn your relationship takes depends entirely on you. So listen, read between the lines and speak your heart out before you lose out on what united you in the first place...

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Date: 25/07/02
Title: Men and the madness

(No offense, just a piece that was written at the spur of the moment considering in mind the conversation with a few women. This is not completely the view of the author and it's just a write-up based on general experiences. Hope men take it in good spirit.)

Men- the most complicated species that every woman must be close to. No matter how much she hates him or is offended by him, she keeps turning back to him. Agreed, that both species are different and what a man want is not what a woman want. Then how on earth did God unite them? Without trying to state anyone better from the other, let's analyze a man's mental world. Men use limited amount of words and seem pleasant on the outside. A man cannot hold your attraction for long unless he's got the brains and the bucks. Otherwise he's more like soft drink that has lost its fizz.

Every man, no matter how cool and calm he may seem from inside, has a animal inside him. Even though he may seem like a good company or may turn into a good friend, watch out for the werewolf to come out. One fine day, no reason, he simply lets the monster lose to bite you. A woman may be labeled as chatty, loud, emotional and fussy but a man's tag could easily hold the words such as unpredictable, complicated and self centered. Somehow subconsciously every man's psyche carries a notion, 'born to rule'. No matter how gentle, loyal and warm he may seem, there's something always withheld to be thrown at you in the later stages of extensive communication.

He's my hero. He's my Mr. Right and then he's Oh-my-God-a-monster! He makes you cry, he may put you down and he may even ignore you but you still say "I love him and I'll do anything for him". Even let him run all over you? You lend him your trust and the right to break all levels of formality and then suddenly he steps over your heart and puts you on the ground. You leave everything for him and he says, "So what? But now you have changed and you are boring". Then the woman ponders among her female friend and brainstorms over reasons of getting attached to him in the first place.

Man, whether in the form of friend, father, brother, boyfriend or husband, they all have one thing in common. It's just a matter of you spotting it out. But hey, no woman can live without gifting her ego and her mind to a man, so long live the man. As long as there are men, there will be tears, misunderstandings, insanity and everything that comes in the package. That woman, she keeps saying that she wants to fall in love with a man and be hers and when she is she complains about getting in the situation. And that man, he flips on her one step before he gets her and when he does, he still doesn't stop flipping (for others in the queue).

Remember this, "Let your feet get wet in the water but don't let your whole body get wet or else there are chances that you'll drown." But then, we are talking about a man here, until you drown, you're not really a woman. Looks like every woman's destiny is just like that song says, "Spinning around...."

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Date: 25/07/02
Title: Ear this...

Life goes on and things happen. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes happy and sometimes sad. In the midst of all this what keeps on going are these soul lifters called friends. A stressful day, a hard day at work, a personal loss, unpleasant surprises and demotivating circumstances are just a few instances when you need someone who can save you from breaking apart.

What you really want is nothing more than to hear the right words blended with the right treatment. At the end of disastrous events, listening to a friend's voice does lift your spirits. But what if the voice is carrying the wrong words and tone? Does it happen that you are dying to talk to a friend and even though the friend is there, he/she's not really there? Often, we find ourselves in unpleasant situations where not even do our friends understand us. And even though it's just human not to be perfect, you may find yourself at a point of non-acceptance. Not because you are in search or perfection but because of a need that was not fulfilled. Sometimes you just need a hug or hear the apt words or just someone to hold your thoughts and help you create positive energy. There's no need to be an Ophra Winfrey or Montel Williams, but a simple friend to be the shoulder that you need.

There comes a day no matter which friend you turn to, none can anticipate your feelings and you are left with a heart that has no choice but to withdraw. Things happen and you want to share it with a wise and friendly pair of ears. But sometimes whether you shout or remain in the cell of silence, no one's really listening. Noone is able to understand what you are actually trying to say. No one is able to make you feel better and no matter how hard you try you are left with a lonely residue in your heart. And then you have no choice but to swallow that stress all by yourself without expecting to be understood. You feed yourself with words of strength and try to get on with your life without sulking. The saddest realisation is that when you need someone at that very moment, and you find that the friend on the other side is irritated or shrugs you off or even replies with the wrong attitude.

But that's the way it is. We expect too much from our friends and heavily rely on their support in every walk of life but it's not necessary that they will walk throughout. You cannot always be understood and your ears will not get what they want. The healthy choice is to depend on yourself and face it all without the fear of falling down and shed the feeling of self pity. Words, tears, and bitterness are just a mishmash of the package of stress. Learn to get over it without revealing it. Party with your friend, go for a drink and enjoy pleasant evenings. But when you are stressed out, watch a movie, meditate or just close your eyes and take a trip to dreamland. But if you decide to call a friend, bear in mind that he/she may not always be able to ear it..

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Date: 31/05/02
Title: So close, yet so far...

Sensitive, emotional and affectionate. Does that describe you? You make friends, you tend to like them, enjoy their company and then get used to them being in your life. That means you have become close. Have you ever thought that you are around certain people and you never even realise that closeness has developed? Is this healthy? Can you handle the proximity that bonds you emotionally tight?

Some of us find it easy to cross the miles while others always maintain a distance to protect themselves from getting hurt. We get attached to people and bring them in our life, in our home, phone, mailbox, walks and our private space. Once you open that part of yourself, you take off the safety seal and then whatever happens is uncontrollable. That person can shake your world and you will be left with an inerasable shadow of the actions. You have let the person cross boundaries.

Somehow through unique connections we get close to people, so close that there seems to be a magnetic force that controls your relationship. It actually takes a lot from you and one fine day you realise that you have developed an addiction, not to a drug but to a human being. This closeness depending on its development can either perish or lead to a passionate bond. Blind senses and an obsession rule the heart. There begins a bunch of episodes filled with heartbreak, turmoil, hankering, agony and complications. But you are close for a reason that is pleasure, peace and maybe that feeling of a soul mate. And that's why you want to go through the tribulations. Hence the saying, no rose without the thorn!

Though my juvenile theories make no sense, I know in my heart that getting close is not easy and reversing the ordeal even more difficult. Relationships are complex, you never know how they'll work out and with whom. My advice to sane people, always maintain your distance and try not to meet people through your heart but your brain. Don't get carried away with emotions and keep your life simple. Most experiences show that closeness after a certain point of time wears out. You get close but once you get closer, you may grow afar!

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Date: 22/02/02
Title: A moment or a bond?

Life is a journey of discovery. With every step that you take there is something new waiting on the next turn. It can make you wonder. How life changes within a few steps is amazing. Just in the last hour things were on a different tone and now they are unrecognizable.

What makes this journey interesting is not only the various experiences but also the various people we meet. These people can be friends for a season or develop into various other bonds. Ever analyze the number of friends that you have and wonder how you became friends in the first place? We never observe the friendship that develops from nothing and how it reaches that level. The best bonds are developed when you don't even realise they have. Relationships are highly complex and the more you think about them, the more complicated they get.

How we form relationships around one moment! It's that single magnetic moment that shapes a relationship. There are two types of relationships- One that is formed on the basis of a moment and the other that is independent on its own, it forms gradually and develops into something strong.

When we form a relationship on a moment, it begins on the weakest base but on the most frivolous note. Everything starts out great and ends without a buzz. We put too much into a moment and get carried away without even realising that it's the first phase of the relationship that seems rosy at first. In my view, every relationship has different phases to get through. The first phase is always smooth. The second phase usually goes wrong. The phase after that tests your existence and if you get through that, your relationship, whatever it may be, is here to stay.

It's so easy to begin anything. It's like blowing a candle of your birthday cake. But to be able to sustain that beginning into a bond is the real challenge. I don't know why but most relationships between the opposites lose track after a while. We all live for that one moment. And then after that we keep comparing moments never understanding that a person is independent of a moment and it cannot define the whole bond. And when something goes wrong in one moment, everything comes to a stand. Why do people spend their lives based on just one moment? As a result there is repetition of failures. We all live for the good not the bad and the ugly. But the truth is good cannot exist without the other two.

Yesterday you may have been a stranger, today a friend and then a stranger again tomorrow. That's how the momentary cycle goes unless we start differentiating between people and moments. Let's not live for the moment, let's live for "you" and "me". Let's live for a lasting bond whose strength is not a moment but an everlasting kinship.

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